I'm having a pretty terrible day today. I've just been so stressed out by everything that's going on in my life right now, which I don't feel I have to get into.

But Kay's called me twice today, I'm assuming for the same reason each time, but I only answered the once. She wanted to know if I wanted to hang out tonight, which I didn't care either way, atold her on the phone that I wouldn't mind, but I don't know what we'd do, and she was like "oh, nevermind; I'll text you, and then basically just texted me "I guess I won't come over, nm" and when I asked said it was because it didn't seem like I wanted her to...It just really pisses me off. WHY would I say anything even resembling a yes if the answer was really no? Like, "yeah, let's hang out so I can be miserable the whole time because I so definitely don't want to hang out"? WTF? I think she just heard that I wasn't in an awesome mood, and decided she didn't want to hang out with me, which if she'd said that would've been fine, because it would've made since. But how long has she hung out with me, that she should know I don't bullshit people? Honestly!

I suppose, though, it probably is good that we aren't hanging out tonight, seeing as she's one of the things that's stressing me out. It's like, we're fine when we're just having fun and she's not talking about the complexities of her marriage and her poor, unfortunate husband, etc., but she talks about him and her marriage about 90% of the fucking time! I don't mind hearing about Perry if it's actually in the conversation, but there really isn't any reason for him to be the conversation as often as he is, or even come up in conversation as often as he does. He's her entire life, all-consuming, and there is very little else, and even if it makes her miserable, that's what she wants. In fact, it's like the more it makes her miserable over-all, the more she likes it. Like, "look how hard my marriage is! I have to work really hard to make it work out! It's how a marriage should be. Long-suffering, difficult, and probably not worth it." It hurts to watch, which is why I don't want to know anything about it. It disgusts me. The whole thing.

I just don't think I can tolerate her too much longer.

Let's make my list of stress reasons:

1.) Kay, and all listed above

2.) Arlan, and his EXTREME deuche-baggery, making work suck more than usual

3.) I have to take my massage licensing exam, which costs $200 per go, failed once already, and am completely unsure of myself about anything bio-chem-related (not knowing where Melatonin comes from made me cry last night)

4.) Then there's this guy who I'm meeting on Thursday, for a not-a-date, or friend-date, whichever.

Which is stressful for two reasons:

a.) because I'm meeting someone new

b.) because no one ever wants to date me (presumably because I'm a gap-toothed cow.)

5.) I have body images issues

6.) My apartment's a mess

7.) Thistles keeps fucking waking me up, and there's nothing I can do about it! This morning, I just opted for doing nothing, because I was so stressed out I though if I tried to do anything, I'd end up doing some serious damage to his little kitty skeleton

8.) Book People still hasn't called me, and Nick says he doesn't know if they'd tell him if they weren't going to hire me, but I REALLY need a second job

9.) I'm always broke.

10.) This morning I had no food in my house except for left over curry, an apple and a thing of nutella

11.) I'm trying really hard to quit smoking, but there's only so much Juicy Fruit can do

and then finally, as a little gift from my subconscious, I had a dream this morning that Mum died, and I was freaking out, on top of being horribly upset, because not only was my mum dead, but I am very dependent on her to live, so if she was dead, how can I take care of myself? I can't, that's how, because I don't have a job to pay my bills, and the job I do have, that doesn't pay my bills, is through her! So in this dream, much like in real life, I am completely helpless, without much to do about it.

*sigh* and what did I accomplish today? Mum bought me groceries, and her and grandma gave me some money. Which takes care of two problems, but only emphasizes the distress brought out in my dream.

I just want to sleep for a couple weeks and hope that all this stuff will go away by then, but I can't...Not only would all my problems still be there when I woke up, but there's no way Thistle would let me sleep for even a whole day, let alone a whole week...

Life sucks, right now :(