The idea is that I have to be the best Me I can be, but I have to be me, and that's supposed to be good enough. Me, all by myself, without any kind of false additive, or lie, should be enough. I should be enough all by myself. But at the same time that I'm being myself, without any lies or falsehoods, I have to know that I'm good enough to be courted (so to speak) even though I get asked out so very rarely. So, I'm not confident at all, but in order to appear as the best me, I have to appear to be, but without lying. So, I have to be real, but the best real, but in order to be the best real, I have to fake it... Sucks. And of course, guys, unlike Kay, do not find self-conscious awkwardness attractive. In fact, most of them find it very unattractive.

Of course, if I think of this as a friend-date, then I can be perfectly confident, because who gives a damn if I'm attractive or not? A friend wouldn't. But honestly, I don't think that someone on okcupid would want to just be friends, no matter what their profile says. Just like I find it almost impossible that any male of any species would not want to have sex. It seems a bit unbelievable, but I suppose if there's a real guy like that, and he really is more desiring of love as well, that's a good thing for me...right?