ugh! oh noez!

Why must my romantic life be so damn annoying and frustrating? Why why why???

Blarg. Okay, so right now I have at least 2 people that are...weird, and another guy who looks promising and some other guy that has actually asked me out.

2 People:

Sonny: Never met him. He's nice, but what does he want? Does he want to date me when he moves down here, or does he just want to be friends? If I weren't a pansy, I'd ask.

Kelly: We hang out. I have a mega-crush on him, but I'm pretty sure he has no romantic interest in me. He'd probably have sex with me if I initiated something, but I don't think I want to do that. And if I had sex more recently than a FUCKING YEAR ago then I don't know if I would even have a crush on him... he's sweet in a stray dog kind of way... you know, like he's cute and he seems like he really needs a lot of love, but who's to say he's not fucked up and won't rip your throat out in your sleep?

Other guy: Okcupid fellow that's messaged me twice. If he asks me out, I MAY actually take him up on it. I don't even know why any more.

OTHER other guy: I have no idea. He asked me if I wanted to join him and a few friends to see Clash of the Titans tonight, I said 'no' because I'm seeing it with Da' tomorrow for his birthday, and he responded asking if I'd like to get coffee sometime instead. Would I like to get coffee sometime instead???

Here's the issue: There area two people I actually like. Sonny is nice and seemingly stable, and has actual possibilities, but he's not in this state for another month, and even then, might not be in Austin. He could move to San Marcos instead. And what's more, he could not even WANT to date me. I could be turning people down --after not even KISSING a guy for more than a year-- and he could just want to be friends. What THEN??? And I would be perfectly okay with being just friends with him, for the record. He's funny and nice. I haven't met him in person, so he could be a bit different, but I just think he's a cool person. *shrug* Maybe that means he's worth waiting for, but I don't know WHAT I'm waiting for. Plus, he's been in town and he didn't text me or call me and want to meet up or anything. In fact, he's NEVER called me. Not in the 4 months we've been talking.
Maybe I should stop with the hoping and start with the waking up and smelling the rejection.

Kelly is...quite possibly crazy. He seems really nice, and like a lot of girls have seriously fucked him over, but he's also got that scary paranoia thing... I never thought I'd meet someone more scared of the world than I am, but there he is...Armed. Leave it to me to find and have a mega-crush on him. Fuuuck. I don't really even know much about him. He totally could have had sex with me the first time we hung out, though, and he didn't. He hasn't really flirted with me either, that I've noticed...but he has stared at my boobs... I don't know. Every time we hang out I end up giving him a massage, too...haha. I likes me some non-sexual human contact WAY more than I like the other kind! :)

I guess it shows that I'm in a better mood that I don't just automatically assume that neither of them want anything to do with me. There are a few other guys I could attempt dating maybe... I don't know that I want to, though.
I only recently realized how much Steven messed me up. I mean, I remember what I was like in high school, so I know I was already messed up, but he really fucked my opinion of guys, and what my expectations in a relationship are. I don't think Jonathan helped, seeing as he is crazy and seemed to think I was retarded, but at least he was nice. I just need to forget what I think guys want...